Alexander Martin Ulasiewicz
Born 9/8/1930. Died 5/12/2017 about 18:20 in Charlotte
First, I want to thank Pop for the world that he created for me at 1429 Belleview Boulevard; that world was carried with me wherever I went. Pop’s influence was always there with me whether I wanted it or not. Pop knew the kind of world he wanted for his kids and worked hard to get his message through to young, thick heads. Perhaps, his military service in Korea is where his view of the world became crystallized. He wanted to live in a world where free-thinking people could make informed decisions, not a world where a certain few misguided people would determine their subjects’ destiny. Thank you, Pop, for the 20th century. Now it is our job to keep the 21st century going so that there will be a 22nd.
As I write this eulogy for my father, I feel that my father will probably outlive me. He has amazing physical strength and strength of character. Still, I need to get into words what my father means to me. I like words and stories to educate and tell me of the world and of my place in the world. Mom’s reverence for words was for the word standing alone. “That’s a good Scrabble word,” she would say. And that is how she saw and treated the world; being made up of individuals. I believe Pop saw the world from more of a wide angle lens. He liked to see ball teams working together for a common goal. He liked to see families in church; the Albaranos, the McCoys, the Provenzanos, the Barbers, the Bahens, the Carincis, the Carapellottis, the Constantinis, the Dysons. Though individually they may be flawed, together, seated as a family unit in a church pew--perfect.
For the most part, Pop was a man of few words. He put high value on what was spoken. He wanted words to have high meaning. Those words, though, would have to be supported by one’s actions. That would be the basis of the high value and meaning. In that sense, he would prefer an elegy; a poetic lamentation. Pop was a man of high ideals which he could expound on at length. But at the same time, he really would not want anyone to make a big to-do over him.
I was five or no more than six when I started learning valuable lessons from my father. Mom was sick in the hospital and Pop had all the kids kneel down in the upstairs hall near the crucifix to pray for Mom. I remember Pop wiping his eyes, unsuccessfully trying to hold back tears. I learned that my father loved my mother. I also learned the power of prayer for a common cause. Though Pop had trouble saying it, I knew that he loved me and I was a wanted child. I felt like I had a big advantage. It did not matter what the outside world wanted from me or whether the world wanted me at all. I love my father way more than he would let me tell him.
After church one day, a couple of grade school classmates, two brothers, were bad-mouthing their father complaining of their father’s alcoholism and his not being around to help the family. Pop could not stand all that negativism. He cut them off, acknowledging that all they said may be true but that man is still their father and deserves at least that respect. That’s where I learned the definition of respect. Although respect can be and it is a great thing when earned through actions, it is best for everyone when it given freely to each and every person, whether it is deserved or not. That is where everybody wins. Pop even had a certain, quiet, subdued respect when talking about Crazy Mary, the old Polish lady that loudly rambled on, in her native language about who knows what, wherever she went.
When we complained about the cold or the hot weather, Pop always said that we have to be sturdy stock. I did not know and do not know much about genetics; but I knew that this wasn’t my fault. Pop, this one is on you and Mom. It took many years for it sink in that he was telling us that you become sturdy stock by developing, then maintaining a strong mind and a strong body.
Pop was a thinker. It was a joy to watch those wheels turn in his measured, decision-making process. I knew my father loved us all even though he had a hard time showing it. Mom let us know the depth of his love for his kids. Mom was smart. She knew we needed to know, just in case Pop’s sternness kept us from seeing his love for us. Mark was a handful going through his teenage years. One night at the firehouse, Pop’s company responded to an automobile wreck. The teenage victim was lying face down. Pop knew it was Mark. Pop’s knees buckled as he turned the boy over. It was not Mark but Mom said it took Pop awhile to regain his composure.
Pop was a people person, just like Mom, although he would not admit this to his family or co-workers. Pop’s friends: Giggy, Carl Oprish, Jack Reed, Carlo, Pango, John DiCoco, Carter, Charlie Peach, Moe Fato, Ralph Piero, Chuck Paulkonis, Fishie, Bones, Baldy, Joe Izzy, Eddie Ricci, Woodsy, Uncle John, Ray and Betty Mae and all the O’donnell kids, Squire Wilson, …. These people carry a revered status, a high stature for us because Pop valued each friendship. I hesitate to name them for fear of forgetting someone. There are scores more but I like just hearing the names of Pop’s friends. As kids, we liked Carter’s visits because he always brought ice cream or candy. Pop let him know every visit he was welcome without treats. Then there is Don Sinclair, the mailman. During Christmastime one year, Pop was passing out Christmas cheer and had to help Don finish delivering the mail when they both had one shy of way too many. And I did forget some of Pop’s friends, Gwyn’s kids: Katie, Kerry, Keighley & K.C.. They had to overcome blood ties to be Pop’s friend. That is a pretty hard thing to accomplish in this family. And to Elaine and all the subsequent caregivers who took care of and cared for Pop, thank you for your kindness. Gwyn, Mark, Greg & Matt each had their own individual friendship with Mom & Pop which worked for them and strengthened my familial ties all around.
Pop adopted and followed the futures of all the Steubenville kids. Mark Bahen is one of those and I want to thank him for his silent, muffled tears at Mom’s funeral. They are more valuable to me and my family than any gold or silver. Michael Ondaatje, author of The English Patient, in his novel The Cat’s Table says we are expanded by tears, not reduced by them. There were many opportunities to be expanded by tears growing up on the hilltop at Belleview Boulevard: After breaking the garage window pane for the umpteenth time by bouncing a ball off the garage and missing the wall, for tearing up the back yard grass playing baseball (Pop told Mark to get the pick and Mark thought he was saying that we get a pick of our punishment, so Mark just stood there waiting for the options. Mark found out that Pop did not mean to get the tool next week, he meant now). Or when we got the belt in one of the innumerable argument/fights over who knows what. Tears helped us to accept Pop’s limitations when he got sick shortly after Mom died.
Pop knew how people were connected and related. Pop did this same thing with the boys that Greg coached in Kentucky. He would go to one of Greg’s Kentucky high school football games and he adopted and knew the histories of these new kids and all the coaching staff. I wished I had Pop’s eyes. He saw and knew more than I could ever hope to know.
Who knows why Pop lived so long in such an incapacitated state? I think it was more than just old school, bull-headedness. Pop continuously studied and learned life lessons; both the practical, religious and ethereal. He had a special, life gift. He brought our pet dog, Nasty, back to life when the dog had a heart attack. He gave the dog mouth-to-muzzle CPR before it was commonplace to attempt animal resuscitation.
It was getting near the end of the working day when I was working for a concrete company, that I got a call from a youngish, construction foreman looking for his first of three to four mixers for a job at Ft. Lee, near Petersburg, Virginia. “Where’s my truck?” he angrily asked. Like many companies in this day and age, companies want a lot of work done in a short amount of time but do not hire enough people to get all this work accomplished. The mixer driver either would not or could not answer my radio calls as to his 10-20 or his whereabouts. The busy plant manager also was not answering my phone calls as to when that truck had left the yard.
I explained to the foreman that I was sorry that I could not find out exactly where the mixer was. I told him that I sometimes have to make decisions about what I know at the time even when it turns out that information may be incorrect and I was sure he has to do the same. But I was confident that he would probably see his first truck within 10-20 minutes and if he didn’t please call back. I assured him that the rest of his order would be filled in according to his desired spacing. That plant was just finishing up a high spec waste water treatment facility job and I knew I would have the required trucks available to satisfy his order. Of course, he was very upset about not getting his first truck at the time it was ordered.
Then he asked me if my father was still living. “Is my father still living?” I was taken aback with that question. I thought to myself, “What does that have to do with the state of construction affairs?” He continued, “If your father is still living, I liked to shake his hand because he raised you right.” Wow, as an adult, I always knew my father raised us well and as well as he could, but it was nice honor to me and to my father knowing that a stranger could see it as well.
Pop liked musicals and Mitch Millers’ sing-alongs. Kentuckian Wendell Berry, in his short poem entitled “Forty Years”, wrote:
“Life is your privilege, not your belonging,
It is the loss of it, now, that you will be singing.”
Pop would enjoy that singing.
I am honored to be Alexander Martin Ulasiewicz, Jr.
No Man is an Island/For Whom the Bell Tolls
by John Donne
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
I got a fortune cookie once that said “Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.” Thanks to Mom & Pop we can go forward eagerly because of the treasured past they provided for us.